Busy

Are you seeing a theme here?!
I am LOVING my classes and my new job. Love doesn't even seem like strong enough a word. I am doing what I was meant to be doing and it's awesome and exciting. It's also overwhelming and terrifying and exhausting. My classwork has added at least 15 hours of work to each week, if not more. Add that to the fact that I am suddenly working full time for the first time in ten years, and, well, you get the idea. The big kids both played baseball this spring as well as maintained dance lessons and scouts. I am so glad they are able to do this stuff, and it definitely is making them well-rounded kids, but it makes life a drain sometimes. Al and I hardly see each other on a daily basis anyway, but add all of this into the mix, and, well, days go by before we are able to have a conversation. I am hoping that when I finish this classwork (next April) that this speed slows down a little bit. I hope that in the meantime people understand why we may not be showing up to every social event offered. It's not you, it's me; I swear. ;)

Understand, however, that this is the choice we've made. We have had conversations with people multiple times who ask us things like: Why do we still have Wyatt? Was Siobhan an accident? What were we thinking? This is the life we have chosen, and we have talked very seriously every step along the way. I wouldn't change it for anything. Wyatt is here because we love him and at this point could not picture our lives without him. When his presence is no longer feeding our souls our our children's' souls (or his soul) well, then we will discuss his moving on. Siobhan was absolutely not an accident. We always wanted a big family, and, through the grace of God, we have that.

It often feels like people are "worried" about us. I understand that, I do. Sometimes I do question the choices we've made. But, don't worry about us. We're fine. (We could sometimes use a little help with some babysitting.... if anyone's interested!) ;)

I just felt the need to get that off my chest. Continue to stay tuned for updates on our life. I hope to be adding some pictures soon of trips we've taken recently.

Thanks for all the love!

For real?

I asked the kids this afternoon; "Kids, why does it smell like nail polish?" (Because I always calmly address my children with 'kids')
Connor answered. (As the oldest, I suppose it was his duty to answer). "Oh, Siobhan wanted some, so I opened it for her."

...

Let's review here:
Siobhan is 2 and 1/2
Connor is 9.
Of the two of these, who do you think would have known not to open the nail polish? Apparently, neither of them.

I thought this stuff only happened in sitcoms.
Am I the only one living an insane life like this?
Never-mind, don't answer that.

"I'm bored!"

This week is school vacation week for myself and the kids. Correction; this week is school vacation week for the kids, and "play-date-scheduling; craft-project-organizing; cookie-baking; house-cleaning" week for me.

All four of the kids are home. So far this week I have organized four play dates (among two children); taken kids out to lunch and to the craft store; organized a morning of painting; baked chocolate chip cookies AND chocolate chip pancakes; helped kids clean out their rooms; organized dance parties in the living room; and generally maintained peace. (well, a semblance of peace).

I am EXHAUSTED! Don't get me wrong, I love that my job allows me to be home with my kids on school vacation weeks, but how is it possible that four small children can make such huge messes? Or such loud interactions? These kids go from being the best of friends to the worst of enemies in seconds flat. They leave a path of destruction from one room to the next; it's like a trail so you can find the kids if they go missing.

My biggest complaint, however, is the constant "I'm bored!" Actually, that's a lie. My kids don't even have the deceny to admit to being bored. Nope. They just hang around me whining or getting incredible silly.

We built an addition on our house five years ago. With that addition came a play room. Yes. An entire room devoted to PLAYING. to TOYS. I could probably sell all the toys these children own, and pay off the house. And yet.... "I'm bored".

So, from out of my mouth comes: "go play with legos, playmobile, playdough, moon sand, crayons, magic tricks, gears, puppets, read a book, play with dolls, play dress up, cure cancer, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO BUT LEAVE ME AND YOUR SISTERS/BROTHERS ALONE!!!!!!


I know I was never this needy.

Threat level=Red

This morning we had a true emergency at our house. The coffee maker wouldn't work. I know. Take a minute to compose yourself'; I'll wait.

Better?

I tried several things to get it to work again; being so technically savvy and all. I unplugged it and plugged it back in, tried plugging it into a different outlet, and then I pounded on the side of it. Somehow those things still did not work.

The only option was to run to Dunkin Donuts to get a coffee.

Let's remind ourselves here, I am home alone for the week with all four kids. None of them are old enough yet to stay home alone. (Don't think I haven't thought about it....) So, it was time to shuffle them all into the car. All of them. All four of them.

Those of you that have met my children will understand that this process can take up to an hour. First there's phase one: get dressed. This includes the Find the Boots process, then the Put the Boots on the Right Feet process, finally there's the Find the Other Mitten process. Next comes phase two: Walking to the Car. This involves me helping Wyatt slowly make his way to the car while yelling at the other three to stop running all over the front yard and throwing snow at one another and For Crying out Loud Pick up the baby She fell into a Snow drift!!! Next is phase three: Buckle In. This involves finding seatbelts, complaining over who gets to sit in the middle, yelling that there isn't enough room to buckle in, and finally, actually buckling in.

Today int he midst of phase three; one of my best friends Simone stopped by. She had a gift for Siobhan, her God daughter. (she also had a coffee maker for me to use tomorrow... Thank God!) Because Siobhan is her Goddaughter, she only brought a gift for Siobhan. Aisling and Connor get their own special gifts from their Godparents; just not at that particular moment. (You totally see where this is going, don't you?) Connor was so peeved about this particular grievous oversight that he took it upon himself to pound on Aisling. (obviously that makes sense....) His punishment for that assualt was that he had to stay inside and could not go next door to play. Why? Why is that our punishment when kids misbehave? Shouldn't it be that we send them away? "You hit your sister. Therefore you will go next door and bother the mommy over there. See you in three hours". That would be so much easier for me, just saying.

Finally we all piled in the car and actually made it to Dunkin Donuts. By that time I needed a large coffee (and maybe a shot of something...) I bribed the kids with munchkins, you know, because I am a behaviorist and all.

Next it's time to make lunch. This should take about three hours.

At least someone's laughing

Sometimes I think that when God makes our kids, it's all a big practical joke to him. A joke on us I mean. Sometimes, I think he takes qualities that we, let's say.... don't appreciate... in our family members, and magnifies them in our children.

Let me 'splain....
No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Tonight, Connor was invited to two sleepover parties, and he had a cub scout pack meeting to go to. He opted to go to the pack meeting, and then head to the nearest sleepover party (next door). When he came home from the pack meeting, he was so worried about sleeping over at the party he burst into tears and refused to go. Worried about going to a party? Hello brother Kevin.

Take Aisling for example, her bedroom can be a total pit. She puts things wherever and often loses things. The kicker, she doesn't care! She's totally happy with it. Why, hello Al.

Connor? He gets so flippin frustrated when he doesn't know how to do something even before it's been taught to him. He demands to know everything right away, and needs to be perfect to a fault in everything he does on the first try. Oh, hello me.

Sometimes, I think God is just cracking up at his little jokes. "So, you got frustrated when your brother was nervous about things? Oh yeah? How do you like it now?"

Thankfully, there are some pretty decent qualities in all our children as well. (Phew, cuz otherwise....)

Aisling and Connor treat Siobhan like she's a total princess. They dote on her and give her everything she wants before she even asks. That's pretty special, and it's something they've learned from Al. They are also both incredibly talented with Wyatt. I've seen them help him out in ways that are better than teachers I've met. That's pretty amazing. I often see my brother in Connor's sense of humor as well, in fantastic ways.

At the end of the day, my kids are an amazing mixture of so many people. We're pretty blessed.... most of the time.

role playing...

My kids have great imaginations, you may have noticed, and love to pretend all the time. One thing they love to pretend is school. Tonight, they wanted to pretend school during dinner time. This is how that conversaiton went:

kids: "Let's play school! Mommy, you can be Miss Aranjo and Daddy you can be Mr. Phillips. Then we have to raise our hands when we want something, and we have to eat politely".

me: "Why don't we just play polite family dinner?"

kids: "no way!"

Alone with my children tonight.

If you were alone with my children tonight you would have:
1) Cleaned up a pile of colored sand from a broken sand bottle Aisling made yesterday; After she tried to clean it up with her toy vacuum of course.
2) Purchased $35.00 worth of food from McDonald's so you wouldn't have to cook.
3) Cleaned up a bottle of spilled milk from the newly washed floor
4) Eaten dinner with one child in a bathrobe instead of milky clothes
5) endured your foster son throwing his spoon with every other bite
6) Endured numerous thrown french fries from the baby
7) Listened to your son practice piano in the basement while barricading the doorway with your foot so your baby cannot go to the basement, while also continuing to help your foster son eat.
8) Allowed your son to try to beat level eight on Translmania.
9) Endured a temper tantrum when he couldn't beat it.
10) Listened to the baby walk around crying "no no no no" while you assisted your foster son in getting ready for bed
11) Listened to shouting and mysterious heavy banging from upstairs while you assisted your foster son in getting ready for bed.
12) Totally measured your foster son's medication wrong, and re-measured it. (While listening to the baby cry "no no no no no")
13) Arrived upstairs to find numerous children hanging out in your bathroom with suspicious amounts of toilet paper all over the floor.
14) Found your daughter sitting on the floor looking at a view finder with her toothbrush on the floor next to her because she "forgot she was supposed to be brushing her teeth".
15) Bribed the children with treats if they quietly helped each other with pajamas.
16) Been disappointed, but not surprised, when even bribery didn't work.
17) Skipped baths for everyone
18) Actually put the children to bed within 2 hours of their typical bedtime.
19) Had a blast reading favorite books before bed
20) Endured a kicking baby who eventually settled and snuggled
21) Collapsed by 9:00.

Kidisms....

Aisling: "I'm trying to teach her to crawl but she's not even looking".

Darn that baby.


Connor: "Guess what?"
you: "What?"
Connor: "Chicken butt"
(Repeat at will at least 300 times per day)

Aisling: "Look the baby can roll over! She learned how to roll over!" (She's known how for a few months now)

stuff and nonesense... mostly nonesense

I was upstairs today, changing into my play clothes (or, unsuccessfully changing out of my work clothes before they get covered in spit up from the human fountain we call Siobhan) when I heard the baby squealing with delight. Squealing! I was so happy to know that Aisling could make her laugh like that. Come to find out, Aisling is making her laugh by standing on the arm of the couch and jumping off onto the cushins. Yeah, real funny!

I cleaned out the fridge yesterday. You'll never guess what I found. Seriously, you will never guess. A TREE. I remember.... Connor brought home a seedling evergreen tree for arbor day. (I didn't even know we celebrated that). Well, if you put a seedling in the fridge, and wrap it with a wet paper towel, it will stay alive until you are able to plant it. However, it will not last eight months. Now you know.

I also cleaned out my car. (I don't know why I do these things...) in there I found 57 mittens. Not pairs of mittens, mittens. I also found assorted hats, and many socks. My kids leave socks everywhere. (How does that happen? Does one just feel the urge to remove a sock, but keep the shoe on?) I also found food from every single food group, but mainly the sticky, smelly, and slimy food groups. There was also stickers on every surface, as well as marker writing all over the place. In case I ever lose my car, I'll be able to identify it; it's the one with "Connor" written all over the backseat.

Thanksgiving was good. We all ate too much food as usual.... (Weight watchers? What about it?) We also got the tree up, well, 95% up. I'll add pictures later.

Cats, guniea pigs, and other musings

The cat presented us with a great science lesson tonight. "Hey kids, come watch the cat dissect a chipmunk". Were the kids grossed out? Oh heavens no. They thought it was cool. I tried to tell them that we too were having chipmunk for dinner, but they didn't believe me.

Siobhan had her four month appointment today. She weighed in at a hefty 13 pounds 9 ounces. She was 24 inches long. When Connor was four months he weighed 17 pounds 3 ounces, and he was 26 1/2 inches long. He was also pretty much eating entire steak dinners. When Aisling was 4 months she weighed 14 pounds 12 ounces, and was 25 and 3/4 inches long. Siobhan is the runt of our little litter! Siobhan also had her shots today, poor baby, and is sleeping upstairs.

Connor had his first grade open house tonight. Al went with him and Aisling. What was Connor most excited to show them? You guessed it, Zack's new cage.

Here's a quick trip to the Heather soapbox. There's a new movie out called "Tropic Thunder". I don't know a heck of a lot about it, but I do know that within the movie there are scenes that perpetuate stereotypes of persons with intellectual disabilities. Disability awareness groups all over the country have launched protests and what not. I just wanted to share with you a video that was made in response to this movie. It's a great video, and worth sharing with everyone you know. It speaks to the very heart of why I do what I do on a daily basis.

http://www.blueberryshoes.com./psa/index.html


How can you not love that face?!

Oh My.

Watch these videos. Don't worry, they're short. I'll wait.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78tK2TxYtBw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXb7q81B67k

Now, most of you probably know that we practice extended breastfeeding in our home, which means we breastfeed beyond one year. According to this loony I should be sent to prison!

A few facts: The American Academy of Pediatricians (AAP) recommends exclusive breastfeeding until 6 months, then continued breastfeeding until one year, or longer as long as is mutually desired. (read more about that here: http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics%3B100/6/1035)

Also, you will hear that the average age for weaning humans worldwide is 4. (Read more about that here: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html)

Beyond showing those facts to contradict what she is saying, I find issue with these statements: "We are not animals". I'm sorry, but anyone who has completed third grade understands that we are, in fact, part of the animal kingdom. I wonder what she does think we are, if we are not animals. She also says "Breastfeeding is not natural". Again, what? Seriously, I have the choice to feed my child with the natural perfect food created by God and manufactured for my specific child, or I can feed my child a powder, created in a factory, and mixed with water. Hmmm..... I wonder which I'll choose. Now, I understand there are people who choose not to breastfeed, and to each their own. However, to say that breastfeeding is not natural is obviously so incorrect. She also states that breastfeeding is akin to sexual abuse. Well, I am pretty sure that the only person in my household who views my breasts as anything sexual is Al. (And, apparently this crazy loon).

I am not ashamed to say to you that Connor breastfed until he was 3 1/2. Some of my most favorite memories are nursing him and his newborn sister at the same time. He used to rub her head and they would hold hands. I am convinced it's one of the reasons they are so close. Now, Aisling still occasionally nurses at age four. It's much longer than I expected, but, you know what? If she needs to nurse every now and then to understand that I still love her very much even though, in her mind, I've replaced her with a newer model, who am I to deny her that.

I am so grateful to have been able to breastfeed successfully. I realize many people can't. I just am so shocked that this woman would state that breastfeeding is wrong, and formula feeding is better. Really, does she live in a cave?

Musings

So I recently read this article in Newsweek.

Basically the premise is that having children does not make you happier, and indeed, makes you more miserable. Personally, I take issue with their research. Truth be told, the low points of having children are far lower than any other times I think I have ever experienced in my life. When Connor fell into the fire pit last year, I physically felt his pain. I willed myself to switch places with him so he didn't have to hurt. I don't think I've ever felt anything like that level of fear and dread.
Simply giving my kids a punishment also hurts. To see my kids cry and yell and tell me I'm mean, well, that hurts. The stress I put upon myself to be perfect is also insurmountable. I take such little things so seriously. "Did we read for 20 minutes today? Did they brush their teeth? Do their clothes match? Did I handle that argument correctly? Did I encourage their self esteems?" Somedays I feel the pressure will smother me.
Then there's the spousal arguments. If we had no children I don't know what we would argue about! We both handle things slightly differently. The level of communication it takes to raise children is draining and shocking. There are times I just can't manage it and, well, we argue.

That being said, the highs of having children are like nothing I ever could have imagined. In May, when Siobhan was being born, I was able to watch through a mirror (thank heavens for non-emergency births!) What a miraculous event! It still brings tears to my eyes. When Al brought her over to me, she was still crying. When I spoke to her, she stopped. Amazing!
When Connor played piano at his recital this year, it brought tears to my eyes, and a pride to my heart that I didn't know I had. To see how proud he was of himself! When he helps Aisling on the swings, or is so gentle with Siobhan, that brings out feelings in me I didn't know existed. When Aisling cracks a joke, or talks with her crazy facial expressions, I want to hug her until my arms hurt. Simply nursing the baby, what an amazing experience.
I could literally go on for days. My point is that I'll agree, parenting has brought me some low points in my life that I wouldn't have expected. Low points I didn't really know existed. It's brought to my life a level of stress and anguish I would never have dreamed possible.

On the other hand, it's brought me a level of joy that is so amazing words cannot even describe it. I am not a qualified enough writer to be able to describe the experience of being a mother without making it sound cheap. I just have no way to put into words the feelings of love and joy. Perhaps that's part of the problem with the article. I can describe for you all the stress and anguish I feel at times about being a mother, but I cannot describe the joy and love I feel at the same time. Perhaps that makes it sound like there are more periods of anguish than there are joy.

I've been thinking a lot about this article, and wondering what I would be doing with my life if I wasn't a mother. Truth be told, I have no idea. I cannot think of anything that would be equally fulfilling. I really can't. I simply cannot picture my life without children.

I was making a joke with a friend the other day. I went to the doctor with three children in tow, on in the wheelchair, one in the carrier, and the other, well, being herself. As we left the receptionist turned to the other and said "I don't know how she does it". I joked with my friend and said "I don't know why I do it". But that's simply not true. I do know why I do it. Because having children has brought me a level of joy and unconditional love that I didn't know existed. I never knew that a person could love another person so much. I never knew that simply going in and watching my children sleep would bring tears of joy to my eyes.

So, to the writers of Newsweek, I concur; there are times when being a mother has introduced levels of unhappiness with which I was unfamiliar before having children. However, children have introduced to me times of great joy, pride, love, and caring that I never knew existed within me. I think your article left out these facts.

Comments

Okay, here's what I want. If you read this blog, please leave a comment. I would love to know what you think. Thanks!