Parenting feels always like you’re just not doing enough. Working? You’re not home enough. Home? You’re not working enough. it constantly feels like finding the balance between all sorts of things 24 hours a day 7 days a week. This has been even more relevant during this pandemic. I’ve been home with the kids since March, but was working March through June. It felt like I wasn’t available enough to them. June and August I was clearly not working but still things have been crazy so again, feeling like I’m not meeting everyone’s needs. It’s a constant feeling of just not doing enough for everyone. It’s exhausting.
When we started work on our deck a few years ago I made one demand that it be finished in time for connors high school graduation. I envisioned a big party with all of our loved ones enjoying time together on our deck. It’s been crushing to me that we were unable to make this happen. We had a small gathering with our bubble of friends but it wasn’t what I pictured. For some reason that’s just bothering me. It’s just one more thing that’s been different in this pandemic.
As Connor gets closer and closer to leaving I keep punishing myself with thoughts of all the “could have beens” and “wish had beens”. I wish I had made it a super fun summer, I wish I had created more lasting memories, I wish, I wish, I wish.... I have to remind myself of all the things we did so and all the memories we tried to make and how happy Connor is. I’m generally not super upset about this pandemic and don’t tend to dwell in the sadness/awfulness of this whole situation. I’m generally very lucky. I have not lost anyone I love and I’m not sick. But today, I felt really sad about this summer and just wished that it had been a regular, fun summer. I’ll miss Connor so much. And I hope I created enough wonderful memories for him.
5 comments:
Of course there are wonderful memories - and they’ll come back to one over the years ahead ! And you have made records that can be refreshers and “remember when?” moments ! You have done all you could and I know all the family appreciates it. Relax and enjoy the time.
From what I see, your family could have an enjoyable time anywhere...during anything! You have eachother and that's what seems to matter to all of you. That's why they'll all have wonderful memories to share with their families when they're older. You're doing a great job, we can all see that. Hopefully you can step back and see it too.
From what I see, your family could have an enjoyable time anywhere...during anything! You have eachother and that's what seems to matter to all of you. That's why they'll all have wonderful memories to share with their families when they're older. You're doing a great job, we can all see that. Hopefully you can step back and see it too.
❤️❤️❤️ (I’ve just learned how to reply to comments lol)
You’re so very sweet. Thank you for saying this. I needed to hear it for sure. ❤️
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