Sunday.
I keep wanting to look back and see what I did and how I made Connor’s last summer home special and think about all the amazing fun things we did. Sadly, that wasn’t the summer we had. Instead we’ve had, well, this one.
But, I really need to be kinder to myself because; honestly, what I did was:
1) Work from home for three months while helping the children wirh school
2) kiss my oldest/third child goodbye not knowing when I would ever see him again after lockdown, and find a way to trust in a system which has let me down repeatedly before.
3) run the household while trying my best to support my husband in the most stressful/overworked time in his life.
4) support caring for my father through a few medical concerns... from a distance.... while missing his bear hugs more than I ever expected.
5) parent my youngest through mental health crisis after mental health crisis and advocate for meds and therapy and all the things.
6) love on the kids and help them through countless wave after wave of disappointment
7) attempt to celebrate birthdays and graduations and special events to the best of our ability.
8) maintain the strictest ideals of social distancing wile also recognizing when I needed to bend them for.... everyone’s sake
9) tried my best to help my children understand the changing world around them and tried to Instill in them the importance of using their privilege to help those without.
10) held my children while they cried and understood when they couldn’t.
11) sat in the stillness with them.
12) recognize when decisions needed to be made that weren’t what we had planned. And worked with everyone to get more comfortable with fear and unknown.
13) found joy and humor in long forgotten games and experiences.
14) tried to instill in my children the understanding that it’s okay to be afraid and it’s okay not to know but it’s never okay not to communicate.
15) loved on the children so hard I was in danger of smothering them.
This is uncertain times. The emotions of each and everyday have me constantly second guessing myself. I long for a typical summer and I long for memories of normal things like camping and day trips and the ocean. But I need to remind myself to celebrate all the things we’ve done as a family. We’ve thrived during this time. We’ve gotten closer and we’ve learned how to communicate. We’ve learned things about each other we couldn’t have known before now.
I’ll always be sad that this final summer couldn’t have been what I wanted it to be, but I’ll give myself permission to celebrate what we had. And what we had was lots and lots and lots of love.
And also ice cream.
5 comments:
Your last one is great - about the ice cream !!
You do an absolutely marvelous job with all you handle ! And your kids are in a place to support you, Connor will keep in touch and Al and the girls will still be right ease up on yourself -
I’m glad to see you giving yourself permission to celebrate the beauty of the times you had. You did have a lot of good stuff! 😁 In some ways, the pandemic has allowed us all to slow down and spend more face to face time, which is a blessing. Some of my fondest life memories are not at a special place, or doing a special activity but rather just being with special people and making good jokes and laughing and laughing. 😘
Thank you. It means a lot to hear this. ❤️
Oh I totally agree. It’s a lot to get used to being that jt was so different from how I imagined it to be. :( but if I really look at it... it was a good one.
Well said! These times are certainly surreal and we've all certainly had plenty of opportunity for personal growth. :-) It's hard sometimes to let yourself stop, breathe and just be. This pandemic has given us that opportunity and I, for one am so grateful to have been forced to slow down. The family time has been an incredible blessing. It's wonderful to hear how well so many have done during these times and how families have become closer. You'll be surprised how quickly November will roll around. You've done an amazing job as a mom and Connor will certainly thrive!! It's really cool watching them take those first steps in their next journey. Sending huge hugs and love to the new college kid. Those girls will keep you busy, busy - don't you worry. Also, don't be surprised when a day goes by and (dare I say it) you didn't have time to miss Connor. That's actually a good thing! Our babies will always be with us and will always stay connected because they, too, know the value of family and love fiercely. Thinking of you all and sending hugs and love!!!
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